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Sissy Diary
Monika on CNN
Hey there,

I got interviewed in thailand by CNN and the story is out now...

http://www.cnngo.com/bangkok/play/everything-youve-ever-wanted-know-about-sex-changes-379486

Much Love

Monika
 
Embedded: The real porn stars of Noe Valley

 I got interviewed for the San Franciso Bay Guardian's Sex Blog here is a copy from

http://www.sfbg.com/blogs/sexsf/2009/03/embedded_the_real_porn_stars_o.html#more

 

Embedded:

Melissa Gira Grant gets deep about the San Francisco sex scene every Thursday on SEX SF.

 

 

Monika studies public health at San Francisco State University. She’s 28 going on 29 and lives in Noe Valley. “I’m not bougie,” she says, “I just got a good deal.” She uses FetLife.com and MySpace to meet potential lovers. “I don’t have a problem telling people on those sites that I do porn. It’s helpful. That way the one’s who are talking to me to get my pics can just buy them from me and wank off to a couple.”

Monika is the feature model on a site she runs herself, Monika’s Playhouse. It’s her take on tranny porn. “There’s basically two kinds of tranny porn out there: the ‘shemales’ with big tits and big dicks fucking everything in site, these eroticized women with penises. Then there’s men dressed like women being dominated. Crossdresser porn. I’m a blend of the two.”


Before a shoot, she might abstain from sex for a few days, but she says that’s the only real drawback making porn has her on relationships. Most of her partners know about the site, and she invites some of her lovers to perform with her on-camera. “I get to do 100% what I like,” she says, “and I get to share that with the people in my personal life.”

Her fans come mostly from the US and UK, and from what she can tell, they’re almost all male. Photos on the site show Monika dressed up like Alice in Wonderland or Little Bo Peep. When she lifts up her skirt, you can see a penis underneath the layers of ruffles. On her message board, fans describe how much they would love to meet her and play with her, like she was their doll. They don’t all want to fuck her. Some want to be her. “Monika is so smart and so brave for getting this up and running. i wish i was more like her,” one wrote. Next to the message is a shot of Monika in a bathing suit standing before the Golden Gate Bridge.

The porn site isn’t making her rich. Monika says that’s not unusual – “I only know one person who works full-time in porn and makes a real living off of it. The rest supplement their income by doing personal sessions [as escorts, or dommes], or other kinds of work.” That is, many Bay Area porn performers are working on a contract basis, without health insurance or job security. Part of freelance porn is paying for your own medical costs out of pocket -- something Monika can afford now. She plans to get breast implants, as well, and take an unpaid internship as part of her program.

“The site was always a dream of mine to do,” she says. “It’s kind of hot -- it’s exciting when I go out to clubs in the city, when people recognize me.” But porn is just one part of Monika’s life. Half the week, she’s working on her degree. “I do everything myself. I only shoot one or two times a month, then I might spend 4 or 5 hours taking care of the site,” she explains. “For me, it’s just another gig.”

. Her work has appeared in Best Sex Writing 2008, $pread, Make:, Valleywag, The Frisky, and The Huffington Post. She has been featured in the San Francisco Chronicle, Cosmopolitan (France), Wired News, NPR, SexTV, BBC Radio, and Penthouse Forum, among many others.

 
Another Sissy Adventure on the verge of National Women's Month..

Since March is National Women’s Month, I am happy to write and muse about women, chicks, girls in general, and how much love and adoration I could have for the right one an have had for some in the past.  I am currently between what I hope someday will become a female owner of my little sissy booty but I can still dream. 

Along the way, I have met many women who do something to me that no other bodied/gendered person could do, some of the ladies have had vaginas and some have had penises, what’s funny is the ones that had vaginas usually were better at penetration then the ones whom nature endowed with real ones.

The other night I was at a local dungeon, it was a queer oriented night and I was feeling pretty good.  It is a party that I have frequented before so I have some people whom I have played before and sometimes able to get them to fit me on to their dance card in some form at some point during the night.  I was blessed this night at catching a familiar face alone near a mattress, a surge of adrenalin came through me and I swooped in.  Not sure what I said, but that and a big smile got me close enough for a long sensual hug that quickly turned into erotic petting, a few more sentences confirming immediate availability and mutual desire and we were off to the races. 

That is the way I love scene negotiations, quick, specific, explicit, and mutually satisfying end result.  Approaching a previous play partner always makes it easier, however I have found being forward, direct, and friendly goes along way.  It does push some people away, a hesitant play partner only has a chance of thawing, better super willing at the beginning, I find being direct and forward filters some of this effect out, and makes it so most of my scenes are intense, passionate, and usually mutually satisfying.

There I am being petted and slowly falling into the mattress on the floor, under the influence of the women, which was intoxicating was set the stage for most of my night. I fell under her spell.  Passionate kissing, nibbling all over, was a sensory overload, I was loving every moment of it.  She began playing with my sissy clit which got erect and grew, at parties it tends to not get fully erect, so usually people are pretty shocked at its size, she promptly safely prepared it for insertion and on top me.  I have to say, when a women comes on top of my while I am inside of her, has to be the best position.  I feel used by women, her using my tool to penetrate herself as opposed to me using my tool to penetrate her.  She rubbed up and down, and quivered and shook a few times in orgasmic ecstasy, her gaping smile and demeanor told me she got her fill, she rolled over and grabbed a hold of my sissy clit, it had gotten a little softer, however a little lube and a few pumps for her and it was perked up again.  5 minutes later she had found the rhythm and spot that makes me quiver and shake, a few of those and then my load busts, sissy cream flew everywhere, one of the biggest loads in recent memory.  She did not stop pumping my little worn out sissy clit, it began to hurt, and I would try and wiggle away she began to grab hold of me and force me to stay put while she continued to pump my hurting drained sissy clit, hurt and I began to moan and wiggle more, it was unbearable…..But I loved it, and I now I think I crave and need that, it is something I do not think I have the mental discipline to do to myself, however having others do it to me as sexual play gets me a stiffy just thinking about it.

My nights adventure would not end there, after a pretty lengthy recovery period, I was back on the prowl, looking for some other trouble to get into.  Some quick little adventures and some socializing I came upon a couple of folks whom had been dominanting one of the slings.  A tall, lady bigger then me was giving a strap on to her partner, a MtF gender variant person, not sure what identity they chose for themselves.  It was a hot as fuck scene that I could only describe as marathon.  As I watched, not wanting to be intrusive, I was invited to watch and to participate, I was overjoyed!!  I immediately got to work on her nipples while she was laying there getting a huge strap on  in her asspussy.  It was just a beautiful sight, the whole time I was yearning to have her shove my smaller strap on cock into my little sissy hole.  It is rare I meet a women interested in me who is physically bigger then I am,  it turns me on so much, makes me feel like a sissy when a bigger superior woman wants to use me and suck all of my erotic energy out.   The girl getting fucked was moaning with pleasure, and as I watch she began to squirt her juice and the look of erotic delight on her face was amazing, it was shared by the her large toppy partner whom seemed to get equal amount of erotic pleasure, the symmetry was perfect the mutual satisfaction that I believe should be in every seen was so perfectly represented………

The rest of the night went amazingly well and is a story for another time….Thanks for reading….OXOXOXO, Monika  

 
On a cold night how to warm up your sissy girl….

 

It has been hella cold and rainy all over the bay, this time of year everyone needs something to help keep themselves warm, your local sissy girl is no different, moving into the new year but still a few cold nights before spring warms my world here are the are some things that always warm my world and may help you warm your sweeties world on one of those cold nights…

1-      Blindfolded sitting my bed naked just to the point where the quiver is about to turn to shiver, come along slowly and wrap a thick over sized blanket around be rubbing and encasing is sure to warm your sweetie right up, alternate between warm and comfy and cold makes each better and more intense.

2-      I come in from the cold outside immediately rushed into the stripped and placed into the shower, my partner lets loose the warming golden spray of their juice all over me.  Before it turns cold a steamy hot shower is run for us both so the dirty little sissy girl can be steamy clean.

3-      In front of the fireplace with a huge wood fire burning I can lay naked with melted warm chocolate being poured all over my flat stomach and small perky little boobs, my partner would take a cold strawberry and rub it up my legs through the still hot chocolate still over my body, he puts it on my lips and I go to bite it and he pulls it away and puts it his mount in one big bite.  Maybe the next one, the warm chocolate begins to drip and I feel a warm tongue licking it up….

4-      Waiting for my partner someone bigger and stronger then me to come over I clear all the furniture in my living room, they come through the door, I am in a cami and a pair of hot pants, once they are through the door, I jump on them they slap me my lip bleeds a little bit, that gets me more riled up, I attack again they know they can beat me up easily, and I am not punching more wrestling, playful in a Monika sort of way, which is vicious and intense but in good fun.  Hopeful a great wrestling match will begin by the time I am immobilized and done I am usually sweaty and fatigue, now that I am defeated, I can be completely taken…

5-      After a long day of working and trying to stay warm, nothing would be funnier or warming then to have my partner restrain me in my bed, naked on my back laying down.  Secured so I cannot move teased a little but unsure what is about to happen.  My partner puts on a blind fold and leaves me there, unable to move longing for touch starting to quiver from the cold.  Then I feel a hot liquid all over my stomach and  my little sissy tits, it burns and stings and a try to wiggle away as my entire body starts to warm as the wax hardens and encases me in the warmth of fire and wax.

6-      In these cold nights it is always so nice to have some one to lie next to while we sleep so we wake up in a bundle of warmth and intimacy.  Spooned with my partner’s arm under my next holding me close is how I like to be held, with each breath I feel on my back I know I’ll wake up in that bundle of warmth and love.

 

I hope everyone can keep warm over this winter it appears its going to be a super cold one.  I have always associated warmth with love, compassion, and togetherness and cold with loneliness and despair.  I hope in this new year that everyone can not only keep their bodies, and their bedrooms warm but to look into themselves and find warmth in their heart for their fellow community members, their friends, and their families.  I am always looking for and trying to find that inner warmth and hope it is not as elusive for everyone else…

 
2008 Year of Change?

This year has been a historic year in many ways none more so then this past November’s election.  Barack Obama was elected president with a promise to change, if that was the only election I would be happy.  In California, Prop 8 passed and while I am not the marrying type, it isn’t right straight couples can do something queer couples can not.  Locally in San Francisco, Proposition K was on the ballot, this proposition would of decriminalized prostitution and had some other language that might of effected some funding for human trafficking, and some programs related to convicted sex workers would be cut.

            Unfortunately, for sex workers and for San Francisco in general it did not pass.  A little more then 9% of the voters in San Francisco would need to change their minds to make it pass.  This Is not an insurmountable amount, and I hope in the coming years we have another chance.  Overall, I was let down by this election there were so many opportunities for my country, my state, and my city to change for the better, I feel my fellow voters let me down, pushing it back into my face that my values are different and things my friends and I do is not ok, and as long as they vote it will stay not ok.  I was hoping for a lot and I guess I could not of hoped to be anything but let down.  While I am personally feeling the pain of the passing of Prop 8 and the failing of Prop K, I feel San Francisco really loses here’s why….

            San Francisco historically has been a city of radical politics, sexual freedom, and vice.  This is a legacy residents of San Francisco like myself treasure and help perpetuate.  From the Gold Rush era dancehalls of the Barbury Coast district, the brothels that used to line maiden lane, the birth of modern pornography by the Mitchell Brothers, to the modern tranny hooker strolls on Polk st.  Sex work is a part of San Francisco.  It is a part of the legacy of this great city, which if the city was smart it would embrace it and allow it to thrive once again. 

The stigmatization and criminalization of sex work is a product of prohibition, temperance, and other early 20th century morality movements.  Before these movements, sex work was regulated by the San Francisco Dept of Public Health of the time, because back then they realized the worst thing about having sex workers around would be the possible spread of sexually transmitted infections.  They realized that the transient nature and the overwhelming number of males in the city at the time made it a fertile place for sex work to be.  They regulated it, and kept everyone the sex workers and their clients safe and healthy.   

            In modern times, sexually transmitted infections (STI’s) are still a definite issue in which all people not just sex workers need to protect themselves.  Prop K I do not think who of changed anything on that issue.  Information about barrier protection devices and the HIV/AIDS epidemic really has changed everything for everyone.  What people do not realize is that many sex workers experience violence, and miss work because of injury more so then from being sick with an STI.  Violence to sex workers is a constant problem for sex workers, perpetrators are rarely even accused let alone brought to justice. 

            Passing Prop K, would not end violence to this marginalized population, however it would eliminate apprehension that sex workers feel when deciding if to report incidents of violence as well as to seek counseling and or treatment for injuries.  Sooner or later, perpetrators of violence against sex workers whom have been basically getting a free reign on things would get confronted and punished for their cowardly crimes.

            Perpetrators of violence are not the only ones whom have been able to get away with crimes against sex workers.  In a recent UCSF study of San Francisco female sex workers, 12% said that they had been threatened with arrest if they did not give the police officer a freebie.  While most police man, as studly as they look in their hot uniforms, they got to pay just like everyone else.  If Prop K had passed, cops would of lost much of their power of sex workers, so extortions for freebies would be virtually instantly eliminated, as would be any other form of police exploitation of sex workers.  The police would even have 14 million dollars of additional resources to fight other crimes, when sex work is decriminalized and current resources to fight it are re allocated.

            Passing Prop K, would not of increased the amount of sex work going on in San Francisco.  There wouldn’t be brothels everywhere or sex workers walking down every sheet.  Life would go on in the city just as it always had.  Sex workers have always had a place here in the city and should be allowed to keep that place, and begin to show the public that there really isn’t anything wrong or criminal about being a sex worker.       

 
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